'So this jelly baby goes to the doctors and says 'Doctor, Doctor, I think
I've got the clap"

The Doctor says 'don't be ridiculous, you're a jelly baby. How could you
possibly have the clap ?'

And the jelly baby replies 'Yeah I know. But I've been shagging Allsorts'

So this middle aged woman goes into hospital to have her vagina tightened. The years have been hard on her body, and it's all looking a bit messy down there.

Anyway, she wakes up after the op, to see three bunches of beautiful flowers by her bed.

At that moment the nurse comes into the room, so she takes that opportunity to ask who the flowers are from.

"Well, the first bunch is from the team who operated on you. The procedure went very well, and they wish you the best of health.

"The second bunch is from your husband. He says he can't wait for everything to heal before he can enjoy conjugal relations once more."

"That's wonderful! And the third bunch?"

Woman runs into a police station and shouts;
"Help, I've been raped by project managers!"
A policeman says "How do you know they were project managers?"
"I had to do all the fecking work!"

What's the difference between a piece of toast and French men?
You can make soldiers out of a piece of toast.